My Kids Mom

I thought the world might come to a crashing halt if I stopped logging in to Facebook. Mid-February I was invited to a Facebook group with people dedicated to giving it up for Lent. I have never observed Lent before, but I thought it sounded interesting and challenging. And so I looked up Lent and it’s significance, and thought it was a great idea. Observing Lent, that is. But giving up Facebook? I wasn’t so sure. In a way, it was perfect. Something I spend way too much time on and wondered if I could live without. The “connections”, the people I keep in touch with (and that’s about it) and the people whom I actually connect with outside of Facebook, could I just shut them out of my life? Wouldn’t that be rude (or something)? Surely I couldn’t do that to those people who need me on Facebook. People need me, don’t they? 

Well, I suppose they don’t. I’ve been gone, leaving my emailing information, and the people who know my number could call or text. But…. they don’t. It’s been 11 days and I’ve only heard from 2 or 3 people that I don’t usually connect with outside of Facebook. Am I surprised? Not really. I mean, what is it about Facebook that makes us feel like we are so popular and have hundreds of friends? I even caught myself a while back telling a story of a “friend of mine” who had had the same experience as someone I was conversing with. I only knew the story because I read it on a note on Facebook, and they really aren’t my friend. It seems like real friend connections don’t happen anymore, as we all live in the bubble of Facebook. I mean, I’m pretty happy in my bubble, at least it makes me feel like I’m connected, even if I’m not. You meet someone out somewhere, and the first thing you ask them when it’s time to part and you’d like to keep in touch – “Do you have Facebook?”. If not then “what’s your email?” or “can I text you?”. We only seem to want to communicate in text anymore, and is that even really communicating? I’m as guilty as the next guy, I would definitely email someone for a quick question sooner than I would call them. I’ve always had a hate for calling people, I was afraid to say the wrong thing at the wrong time, get the number wrong, find out they weren’t home and feel stupid (I know that’s irrational, but it is what it is). I appreciate text for the ability to delete and rewrite, in an instant. Even in an instant message conversation I can say something, and look at it for a second before I decide to send it. In a live conversation (phone, face to face) all that reasoning has to be done inside your head before you open your big mouth. But there’s a problem with text – there’s no facial expression, no tone of voice (besides maybe caps, italics, bolds or other things meant to accentuate), no real meaning behind the words. It is way too easy to have something someone says misconstrued. I’ve had that happen a few times recently, thankfully not something I’ve said but something someone said to me. Either people didn’t pre-read what they wrote before they sent it (which I usually try to) or I took them wrong, or they said it wrong. It’s kind of complicated trying to deduce someone’s meaning when they say something questionable in text. In fact, it even happened in my last post! I think the other easy thing about text conversations is that they are less time consuming. A quick email and on with your day. A quick note on someone’s wall and you’re on your way. No need to make small talk, formal greetings or goodbye’s, no awkward moments about when you’ll talk next at the end of the conversation. We are all so busy we just don’t have time for each other anymore. Have you been out with a friend recently and he or she can’t stop checking their phone because either they are having a text conversation while carrying a real conversation with you, or they’re looking to start one? I personally find that a little bit insulting. Am I boring? Do I not give you enough stimulation in conversation that you have to talk to someone else at the same time? This isn’t a pop-up chat window where I’m willing to wait a minute or two and stare at my screen waiting for you to reply. Put your phone away!! 

I think when Easter time is here, and I allow myself the freedom to check in on Facebook, well, I don’t know if I will. Do I need all those false connections? Why not spend time going out and making real ones instead? Isn’t life more satisfying and fulfilling when we make time for each other and actually meet face to face and do fun things together? 

What do you think about your text friends? People whom you don’t really communicate with live? Is the connection real? Is it better or worse than real face to face relationships?